I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body. I […]
North Carolina Mountain Men – ain’t no dummies fer sure. Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued […]
Dave Peters lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all […]
Mick and Paddy were fishing on the river Moy when Mick takes out a cigar, finding he had no matches, he asked Paddy for a light, Hold on a minuet says Paddy and then reaching into his tackle box, pulls out a Bic lighter 12 inches long. Good God man! exclaimed Mick, taking the huge […]
Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament. At first I said, ‘Naaahhh! I’m really a lousy ‘ Then, they said to me, ‘Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind Kids.’ Then I thought about it for a few minutes . . . Shoot – I could win this!
I AM THANKFUL: FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT’S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS. FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT […]
The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of […]
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned his client. He said, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.” The art collector replied, “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first.” The lawyer said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me […]
A 6-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are out raking the yard. The 6-year-old says, “You know what? I think it’s about time we startedlearning to cuss.” The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues, “When we go in for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.” The […]
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put […]