I met a magical fairy yesterday who said she would grant me one wish.

“I wish to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant that particular wish.”

“Fine,”

I said, “then I want to die the day after our United States Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!”

“You crafty bastard,” replied the fairy.