* Golf balls are like eggs – they’re white, they’re sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.

* The pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you must have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

* It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps with house or yard work will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

* Did you ever notice that it’s a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 a.m. to mow the yard?

* It takes longer to become good at golf than it does brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around in a cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery.

* A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

* A good golf partner is one who’s slightly worse than you.

* The rake is always in the other trap.

* If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.

* If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

* Golf appeals to the child in all of us. This is proven by our frequent inability to count past the number 5.

* It’s easy to keep your ball in the fairway, if you don’t care which fairway.

* If profanity had any influence on the flight of a ball, most everyone would play better.

* The greatest sound in golf is the, “Whoosh, Whoosh, Whoosh” of your opponent’s club as he hurls it across the fairway.

* A recent survey shows that of all jobs, caddies live the longest. They get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there’s ever a medical emergency, a doctor is always nearby.

* The best wood for lowering your score is a pencil.

* You may need lessons if you had to regrip your ball retriever.

* It’s difficult to decide which is more stressful – hitting 3 off the tee or lining up your 4th putt.

* With practice and strength training you can easily get more distance off the shank.

* The only sure way to get a par is to leave a 4 foot birdie putt 2 inches from the hole.

* Nothing straightens out a nasty slice like a sharp dogleg to the right.

* Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.

* No matter how badly you are playing, it’s always possible to get worse………….!